Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
