a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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