two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
