He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
