Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
