I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
