At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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