Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
