So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
