Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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