I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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