Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
