I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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