So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
