why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
