can u get pink eye on your cock?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
