at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
