Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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