I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was confusing and full of hummus
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm