I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.