Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
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You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?