my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend