Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?