yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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