Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
