I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
