I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
