Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize