where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
