; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
