It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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