We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
