Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize