Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
