He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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