i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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