you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
