i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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