The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
