Me too!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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