i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
