I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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