I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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