where does the pee come out of this thing
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
