According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
