Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So vagazzling was a success
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
