Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
