There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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