dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
