i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
