TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
