Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
