Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
