Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
