yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
