I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
