its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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