i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
