Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
