i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
