I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
