Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
