Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
