I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
