I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
