Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
