I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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