I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize