So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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