Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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