I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
