So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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