Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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