I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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