they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
