i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
