but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
