I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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