Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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