it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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